is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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