Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
