My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
