3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
