we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
