remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
