She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
