OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
