What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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