in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
