as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
