Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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