I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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