so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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