is wine microwaveable?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
