I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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