drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
