I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
