I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
