Don't make out with my wife yet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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