Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
