We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am available for nakedness
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
