Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
