we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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