A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
