I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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