I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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