so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
