so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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