Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
