Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
