thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
