Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
