the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
