Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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