Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
