I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
