I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
