atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
