I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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