I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize