I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My life is pants optional.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
