Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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