you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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