Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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