my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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