based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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