did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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