What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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