TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize