Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
