i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
