i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
