I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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