Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
