get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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