were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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