we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
then he tried to convert me to islam
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
