Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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