he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
