That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
