Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
