maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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