I just cut my nipple shaving
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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