Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In America we eat man semen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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