One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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