my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
