why didn't you poke me back
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
