who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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