So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
