She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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