I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
