Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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