before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
