I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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